10 years already

10 years ago today, my Granny (Mom's mom) died from cancer.

I had just started my freshman year in high school, and my dad picked up my brother and I from school that day, which was odd. He explained that Mom was taking care of things because Granny had passed that morning. I didn't cry that day, and didn't cry much back then except for the funeral, but I certainly have grieved more as I've grown older.

She had a hard life. Her dad was an alcoholic and left their family when she was young. (Mom's a whiz at details, so Mom, feel free to correct me via comment if you want :) Her mom, Mother Roed, had to go back to work at that time, so Granny started caring for her younger brother, Jack, and basically running the house at age 11, according to Mother Roed's very particular ways, of course.

Granny married Papa Choo Choo (story on that name later!) on October 22, 1955, and had my Mom, Jackie, and Steve together. They lived at 6522 Tillamook, in Westminster, CA, from 1956 until they died. That house was always where we had family gatherings on holidays and birthdays, and where we'd all "surprisingly" end up when it was taco or hash burrito night. Granny always wrote out the month's dinner menu on the fridge, so as soon as I could read, I figured out when to "need" a trip to Granny's house for dinner :)

Granny and Papa didn't have the easiest marriage, but they stuck it out and truly loved their family. Not necessarily in an overtly physical way, but through their advice and willingness to help whenever anyone needed it. Incredibly giving, also.

Granny was a fantastic cook. The kitchen was her domain, and you never wanted to get in her way while she was cooking, but oh my, you wanted to be around when it was all done.

She loved the Lakers, and always wanted to go to Hawaii. Both things I've done, and think she would've loved it.

I regret being so ashamed of her when I was younger, and I wish I could have the chance to apologize and return how much she loved me. I miss her most when I need cooking or cleaning advice, or when I go to weddings and realize she won't have a special spot on the pew or be the first down the aisle, or when it's time for a holiday dinner.

I also regret getting so frustrated with my mom for being so sad for so long after she died. I didn't understand why back then, but now when I think of losing my parents so early in life like she did, I feel heartbroken. So Mom, I'm sorry, and I wish I could be with you today to go put flowers on Granny's grave. I love you, and I'm so glad you are like her in a lot of ways, and remember lots of details about her.