What does it mean to have grace for myself?
I had a conversation about a week ago that pointed out some areas where I was not extending enough grace. I left feeling quite raw, since I felt like I had done everything in my power to make amends/do the right thing. And yet there are people asking me to bend more. How could I possibly give more when I have nothing left?
I have found there to be a lot of truth to that last statement: if I don't have anything myself, how can I give it away? I don't think Jesus expects me to give out of my emptiness, except with his own power working through me. But in the case of grace, I think he wants me to experience more than just giving it to others because of his power within me.
I wonder if he wants me to experience his grace towards me fully, and even more than that, grace towards myself because that's how he treats me.
Taking a quick look back, I haven't had much grace for myself ever in life. I have hard-lined myself into doing many things just for the sake of accomplishing stuff. With no room for messing up. Heaven forbid I fall off the accomplishment train and lose all sense of purpose in life. No doubt I am glad for many of the things I've done and things I've learned along the way, but I've jeopardized some things on this road, too: my health, some relationships, my own relationship with God. That's the stuff I regret.
So obviously I want to change this part and live with infinite grace towards myself and others, but I don't know what that looks like.
Any ideas?
No comments:
Post a Comment